Question

I’ve heard that once a child reaches 12 years old, he or she can decide which parent to live with. Is this true?

Answer

Not in Washington. Unlike many states, including California, Washington tries to keep children away from court altogether in custody disputes. In fact, Washington courts often react quite negatively to a parent even saying “But my son keeps telling me he’d rather live with me.”

The courts take the “best interests of the child” seriously, but don’t believe that children should decide where they should live any more than they should decide about tattoos, alcohol, or staying in school—they’re children. Instead, the courts look to other indications of whether a child is thriving in the home he or she is living in—such as grades, socialization in school, etc.

As a practical matter, once a child reaches 16 or 17—and can drive—even though a court will not hear their testimony on custody matters, the court will often not interfere with a child who simply drives to the house in which he or she wants to spend time.