Be very careful about what you think your ex doesn’t know
One classic mistake that splitting couples often make is to assume that their spouse or partner doesn’t know about a girlfriend/boyfriend, a bank account, a credit card, a drug habit, etc. My experience is that clients typically and systematically underestimate what their partners know – even in relatively long-term relationships of 10 or 20 years.
Three reasons why it isn’t obvious what your partner has figured out:
- People often don’t discuss unpleasant subjects if they don’t have to, especially if they feel they can’t do anything about it – but it doesn’t mean that partners don’t notice.
- As relationships start breaking down, otherwise unsuspecting partners start paying attention. When trust is gone, trusting people often start snooping.
- The longer you are together, the more common friends you have, and the more family members tend to know you both. People talk.
What to do about it when you don’t know if they know
The first goal is to not be surprised about the kinds of accusations that might show up in a motion or request for information from your partner’s attorney. The second goal is to start minimizing the potential damage ASAP. For example, if you expect a custody fight, now might be the best time ever to stop drinking, gambling, etc. This is tough, kind of by definition, because your stress level is probably higher than when you picked up that bad habit. But it’s better to take control of such habits on your own than to have it forced upon you by a Judge. There’s no better time to be start being cautious….
